I was in my reevaluation counseling class today and I did a session on Anger in front of the class.  

There was so much discharge (RC term) happening.  I was laughing but mostly out of embarrassment.  I was revealing my anger problems for the first time, to a group of people I knew wouldn’t judge me, yet felt so judgmental. That was because I was projecting my emotions.  They were probably just trying to decipher what I was saying.  Because, like most people, when I get nervous I talk really fast and cover my face and squeal.  And laugh.   

So I started off acknowledging that I have a really bad temper.  It’s not the kind that is automatically set off.  It’s the slow buildup kind where, things happen over a period of time and I don’t deal with them, and then that one small thing happens and I explode.  

I suppose sometimes it could be automatic.  Recently, I was at home and I had come home late and forgotten my keys.  Apparently my parents sleep like bears because no matter how hard I banged on the door, no one came.  So then I called my brother, who I knew was out.  And he said no, that he was busy etc.  I remembered earlier that week, that when my brother says he’s busy, he is usually at our neighbors house.  So I look over at the house and low and behold, my brother is peeping out the window.  So then I call him back and go ‘get your ass over here and let me in’.  It made perfect sense.  He could go back.  But he made excuses and stayed a bit longer (maybe 5 minutes).  But in those minutes, since I had arrived home and called him, I became so enraged that I unleashed on him in a text.  He felt bad and came back, explaining that he’d lost his coat.  I didn’t care at that point and stormed off to my room.  I was also leaving the next day so probably didn’t want to deal with those emotions.  

I’ve just realized that I get so angry, that I could punch a punching bag with bare hands.  I hurt my knuckles recently doing that.  But I get so angry.  It’s almost blind rage.  I want to go speed my car.  Which, sometimes I do.  But then I realize how stupid it is and just blast my music (though my radio is broken).  Sometimes I’m tempted to punch a wall, but I’m too afraid of the damage.  I just wish I had a magic punching bag that could pop up anywhere and I could slam it.  Because I get scary angry.  

I used to think that the rage my brother felt was so strong that he couldn’t think clearly and would almost black out when he would have an issue.  I think I do the same thing.  It’s this period of anger, that then subsides and I forget about it.  

It’s interesting when I think about relationships too.  I always ask what my friends would do if their boyfriend hit them.  We always agree that the first hit is the last straw.  But sometimes I wonder, if I would actually leave, or if I would punch them back.  If I would get violent on them.  I’m constantly trying to compare my strength to men.  I always challenge them in arm wrestles and such.  Who’s to say that I wouldn’t see how hard I could knock him out…and then leave him.   

I was definitely projecting that these people listening would then think I was a dangerous person, which they don’t.  One of them wanted to comfort me.  I just need to figure out what to do about the rage.  Boxing classes really help.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiC8MapOLHw

Pitbull/ Trina Go girl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBLlW93AK-E

So ji sub Pick up line.  

I see no difference.  

“Visteme despacio que tengo prisa”

I thought for a while about what I wanted to say in this post. I thought it should be a kinecktion…but I couldn’t think of any artists right now. So I’m just going to reflect on some things.

The above quote was told to me by my spanish teacher last year. She was trying to explain to me that if I slowed down on grammar, I would get it right. Needless to say, I never slowed down enough.

As I think about this/these new movement(s) I am apart of, that we’re all apart of in our own ways, I have to think of the above phrase. It means, dress me slowly, for I am in a hurry. It is a contradiction that I think really encompasses our world now. We need to slow down. We need to reflect because we’re all so busy trying to say what is on our minds, and we have to tools to do so rapidly, but we aren’t thinking about the consequences. It’s so easy to tweet something and then regret it days later and try to retract it, but then remember that someone screencapped it and has posted it and it’s floating around the internet forever. Look at the Libya case. The front page of the BBC had a box for tweets that were happening as the situation escalated. People were tweeting faster than it could keep up.

We’re all in a hurry to say what’s ‘really’ on our minds. But the truth is that we need that inner voice to remind us to dress slowly. Think about the last time you noticed someone who actually thought about what they wanted to say. It might not have seemed like much then…but it was. And I’ll be the first to admit that I am no good at this. I need to slow down. But that person who thinks about what they want to say nowadays is a rare commodity.

I just want us all to really take time to step back…think about what we’re saying and then respond. Especially when it comes to the sensitive issues that we’re dealing with in our day and age. Our parents generation didn’t have to worry as much. But we have too many tools at our fingertips to not be cautious. I know I want to take some time to reflect on the conversations I’ve had. But it’s hard because I want to check my timeline/dashboard every second. Luckily I have to move out of my apartment so I don’t have time…but that’s beside the point.

I think if we all slow down, take a step back, whatever works, and really process both sides of situations, we’ll all be much more informed citizens and much more capable of coming together to solve issues. Challenge people on what they say, after you’ve thought about what they’re trying to say. Don’t be so reactive. This is the way people get hurt.

I’ll leave you with a quote from my first year seminar:

“Guns don’t kill people, stories do”

Let’s think about the stories we’re writing.

Love,

E.

“In the age of globalization, the more rigid the politics, the more mellifluously culture can serve as a counterpoint, forcing change” (East Eats West; Andrew Lam 2010, Page 106. 

Over the past few weeks, as I’m sure everyone has seen (if not just look up trouble in the world…or in the country of your choice), the world has been enduring some changes that are not helping anyone’s image.  Firstly, the American economy is completely shot…or at least heading toward a second depression.  Second, London is in uproar and people are acting recklessly.  Third, Korean culture has been entering Japan and now some Japanese have decided that it is not okay, so they are protesting. Those are just the few that I know more about.  There are many more tragedies that  are affecting other people. 

While I could go into how this is all a vicious cycle, I won’t.  What I will say is that what we are witnessing now is definitely one of the worldwide cultural revolutions that have happened before.  The difference though, is that with the access to technology and the ‘knowledge’ (depending on how one interprets and uses it, knowledge is power but also pain), more people are beginning to see the wrongs.  More people are beginning to see how what we (I’ll use America) have been doing for almost our entire existence, is not working anymore.  We cannot, as a people continue the way we are.  And so even though the government has raised the debt ceiling, they haven’t solved the real problems that lead to the debt ceiling even needing to be discussed.  Go on any social networking site and I’m sure you’ll find people who have solutions for those problems.  We have to get better.  As a people.  And I think everyone is beginning to see that.  The majority is growing.  

It’s what we do from here that matters.  Protesting is a method but it has to be done in a positive rational manner.  Violence only leads to more conflict.  That’s one of the vicious cycles.  People continually use their violence as a means to prove their power when in reality, what people need is to be educated and be forced to sit down and listen to what is going on.   The only reason it hasn’t been successful in the past is because people have not been patient enough to listen. 

As I say in my about me blurb, we have to come together, now more than ever.  Everyone wants to keep their pride and culture, but if we don’t at least come together and gain respect for each other, all of this cultural revolution will be for naught. 

And now my post will just be another one of the posts out there about this…and I’ll probably have another one when I’m 50.  

Who: 

Miss A

[http://breakingnewsmag.com/wp-content/uploads/Miss-A-MV-Good-Bye-Baby.jpg]

Miss A is a  four member Korean/Chinese group that made their debut last summer with the song ‘Bad Girl Good Girl’.  They came on the scene oozing sex appeal while presenting powerful dance moves and vocals that were not typical of idol girl groups. All the girls have their own qualities that they bring to the group.  

Rihanna

[http://jnelj.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/0221.jpg]

Rihanna came into the music world in 2005 with her hit song Pon De Replay.  While many thought that she’d be a one hit wonder, she was preparing to conquer the industry with her no holds barred, I don’t give a F*** attitude.  She has repeatedly talked about how she is not afraid to show her sexuality and has stuck to her word. She has constantly shocked people with her hairdos and videos, proving to be an artist that will be around for a while.  

Why: 

-All of these girls are pushing boundaries that a lot of artists in their respective industries have been afraid to push.  The force of them together could be monumental. 

-The sexiness presented by all these girls is what really made me think of this Kinecktion.  A stage between these two would be a lot of sexiness but also a lot of fun and great music.  

-MIss A speaks a good amount of English and could communicate with Rihanna to make a hit song.  Miss A member Min actually worked with Lil Jon during her time in America.  

-I feel like Rihanna would shock the Korean music industry but could do it in a way that won’t get her banned.  Miss A could be her connection and she could be theirs to America, where I think they could have a successful career

(note that I want Korean artists to be popular in America because they are artists too, but I do understand that there are a lot of differences that can prevent this).  

Videos: 

Rihanna ‘Only Girl in the World’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM

Miss A ‘Goodbye Baby’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYKO1za5mX0

(出典: wikipedia.com)

If Hongki and Yonghwa made a song…I might die…just sayin’.  

-Courtesy of Okiedokieartichokie ;-)

What: Harajuku Barbie x Rhymemaster x TOP man

http://fuckyeahharajukubarbie.tumblr.com/post/6593300421

http://www.1vibe.net/pictures/busta-back.jpg

http://twistedstars.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/168xzxe.jpg?w=427&h=495

Why: Who can deny the control that all of these people have on their voices.  A song with all three would be a symphony of vocals, mixed with sick beats and impressive lyrics.  All three have their own style of rapping that is quite unique.  It would be epic and I’m can guarantee it would be a hit.  
[Videos]: 
1. Nicki! ‘Super Bass’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JipHEz53sU
2. Busta Rhymes ‘Gimme Some More’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2asIbbS9aQ&feature=fvst
3. T.O.P ‘Turn it Up’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdPnMoxKOWY

Beauty CULTure is an exhibit at the Annenberg Space for Photography.  I had seen posters for it all over LA these past couple of months and finally got to see it.  

Here’s the link to it :

http://www.annenbergspaceforphotography.org/exhibitions/overview.asp

As a person who loves pop culture and psychology, it was fascinating, moving & painful.   It explores the ideas of beauty and how our westernized society has interpreted them and helped them evolve into an almost cult like culture in which about only 2% of the population can actually exist.  

It features the works of Tyen, Lauren Greenberg (Director of the documentary), Chuck Close & Melvin Sokolsky.  As I walked through I couldn’t help but notice covers of Vogue, Supermodels, and all that our society teaches us equals beauty.  And while I could point them out with ease, I knew that it was also a result of me feeding into the cult.  

I found a new love for my body and myself.  It’s so hard to love who you are, especially if you don’t fit the mold that this exhibition explores.  Of course I want the tiny waist, semi large chest (Who doesn’t like a good C cup) and nicely proportioned bum.  I’ve wanted my hair to be long for my whole life.  I wish that I didn’t have to put emphasis on the fact that I’m a black female.  But then I saw Crystal Renn (read her biography; love everything about her) and Carmen Dell’Orefice (new favorite woman).  They both embrace their bodies (Crystal was the first plus size model for Chanel, and as we know Karl is no easy employer) and Carmen has embraced her age and still models.  And I know that my struggle is far from over, but I know that the tears I felt rising during the exhibition were tears filled with pain and that needed to be released. Wow. that was weird to write.  

If you live in LA I definitely recommend you go see it.  It’s one of those things that more people need to see but won’t.  

“I think the problems in the black community has to do more with our lack of unity.  We don’t really see each other as being a part of the community.” -Quote from ‘Dark Girls’

For longer than I can even imagine, skin tone in the black community has contributed to black on black crime.  It is the type of black on black crime that is not so much physically violent, but emotionally violent.  It messes with young girls psyche.  It prevents people from getting married.  It causes people to bleach (yes as in the stuff you clean with) their skin.  Just trying to conceal it.  To hide it.  Their skin tone. 

Everyone wants to believe pretend that racism doesn’t exist in 2011.  That because we have a black president (who would not be there if he was even a shade darker in my opinion) it’s erased.  But it’s not.  And we know it’s not.  And yet we continue to pretend and act as if nothing is wrong.  I say we, because WE are a community.  I hate the race card.  I hate racism.  I wish will all my heart, that I wasn’t writing this.  I wish it wouldn’t offend people.  BUT, we as a black community have GOT to do better.  I say we, because at some point, we’ve all been guilty of either hating someone else, or ourselves, because of skin tone.  

Recently, the most controversial statement about skin tone was the Beyoncé L’Oreal Ad.

I don’t know about other people but I do know that when I live in Cali and when I live in Chicago, my skin tone changes.  So I will give a slight benefit of the doubt.  But in all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if they altered the photo.  Millions of photos get photoshopped.  I think what hurt the community the most was that it was lightened in such a way, that a lot of people would see it (because it was an ad) and because she has such a presence in the community.  Many would ask, why she would let something like that go to print.  Of course L’Oreal denied the claims and the issue got quiet.  

Another controversy even more recently was Kola Boof (most famous now for being one of Bin Laden’s mistresses) stated that Wale hated dark skin women and wouldn’t work with them.  

http://necolebitchie.com/2011/05/24/osama-bin-ladens-former-mistress-blasts-off-on-wale-via-twitter/

Wale denied the claims via twitter and as the article states, has even made a song about black men and skin tone, called ‘Shades’ off of his debut album.  

I could go on for days about the hatred for skin tone brought up by celebrities.  But the main reason for this article was to raise awareness about a documentary that is coming out called Dark Girls.

http://vimeo.com/24155797

I saw the trailer on my newsfeed and didn’t want to pass it up.  I watched it and almost cried.  I’m sure I’ll cry during the actual documentary.  What struck me the most is what strikes me a lot of times with my interests.  The kinecktions  (yeah I went there, what of it?) in the community are so often overlooked.  Even if I have lighter skin, I have natural hair. Cutting off my hair in sophomore year of high school, at a 70% Jewish high school, was a killer.  I was never going to get a boyfriend after that.  So while I can’t relate as much on the skin tone (even though I still have issues) I can relate more on the hair.  Why on earth would any other black woman, who knows how hard it is to be black in general, hate even more so on a dark skinned woman? It is absolutely astonishing.  

I hope all people get to see this documentary.  But I hope that the black community is once again reminded of how much farther we have to go, to love one another and ourselves.

(出典: style.popcrunch.com)